Coffee date?

If you lived close to me we would have a coffee date. 

It would most likely end up being at one of your houses, because this little town has no coffee shops, unless you count Timmy hoes. 

We would sit facing one another on my couch, cup of coffee, or hot chocolate with whipped cream of course, in hand. 

I would start by asking you how your week went.

You would tell me about your week, the good and the bad.

I would ask how I could be praying for you, and what I could be doing to build you up.

You would then ask me how I was doing. 

I would tell you that I am finding it hard to fit in to this little town, but I know that I am meant to be here. 

I would tell you that I know God has plans for me, and that this town is definitely a part of those plans.

I would tell you that I am going to be starting on the maternity floor in 2.5 weeks. 

I would tell you that this both excites me and terrifies me.

I would tell you I am excited because it is my dream to work with mom's and babies, and I am excited to be back in an area where I feel fully comfortable. 

I would tell you that I am nervous to meet yet another crew of co-workers who I feel like I need to impress. 

I would tell you I am afraid of making a fool out of myself.

I would tell you that it makes me more nervous to work with people my own age because i feel like they judge more.

I would tell you that I am afraid my co-workers with think I am an idiot and won't like me.

I would tell you that I am nervous to start working in the acute care setting in this town which seems to be behind (technologically, and in every other sense) the rest of the country by about 5 years. 

I would tell you that I want nothing more than to be a light in a world of darkness.

I would tell you that I have been looking into how much it will cost me to fly home. 

I would tell you that it will cost me more money than it should.

I would tell you that I want to surprise a few people.

I would tell you that people should never underestimate me.

I would tell you that I want to build people up.

I would tell you that I have been struggling with putting my worth in places it shouldn't be put.

I would tell you that I needed you now more than ever before.

I would tell you that I have an addiction to pinterest.

You would laugh at me, and tell me that my pinterest wedding is awesome!

We would laugh.

We would pray for one another and it would be awesome.

What would you tell me?

Do it again sometime soon?

Forever Changed

This week I have been listening to a lot of Carrie Underwood. I'm not sure why but I am just in the mood for her. You know sometimes you are in a T Swift mood and you crank up the tunes and "sing" at the top of your lungs. Well it's like that but with Carrie Underwood. It is probably a good thing that I currently do not have any neighbours otherwise they would be tortured blessed to be listening to my awful awesome singing. Seriously I should have a record deal *shakes head no*. I have been listening to her album "Blown Away". So good.

But one song has been played a few more times than the others. It is called "forever changed". 

This song has been speaking to me and making me think about a lot of things. The song itself tells a story of a women who gets married, has a baby, and then watches her mother suffer through Alzheimer's disease. It talks about how events change us. Things we go through mold us into the person we are. of course this has me thinking about things that have changed me. 

I do not think this is a coincidence that this week marks one year since I lost my baby boo. My mind has been floating to that day when everything changed more often than not lately. It hurts my heart to think about what might have been, and how different my life would be right now if things had not have gone they way they did. I do not know where I would be, or what I would be doing. 

But I do know that I am forever changed. 

Forever changed by the life that had been growing inside of me. 

Forever changed by the love that I felt for my baby.

Forever changed by the way some people treated me.

Forever changed by the new appreciation I have for my mom.

Forever changed by the reality of losing a child.

Forever changed by grief.

Forever changed by grace and mercy that was poured over me by God.

Forever changed by my fears for my future.

Forever changes by God's plan.

Forever changed by a new outlook on life.

Forever changed by the way I now see motherhood.

Forever changed by the saddest moments of my life.

Forever changed by the hurt.

Forever changed by the loss of both a baby and a few friendships.

Forever changed by the new chance I was given.

Forever changed by the new chapter in MY story.

Forever changed by the hope of my future. 

Forever changed by God's glory.

To anyone who has lost a child I pray that we can have peace and feel HIS love and have reassurance through HIM. 

So baby for now I will cherish the few pictures I have of you, I will hold them close to my heart until one day we meet again. I love you so much, more than words can express. Today I will have a few moments of sadness but I will cling to the fact that you are not suffering and you feel no pain. You are soaring with jesus, and one day I will hold you!! 

If you really knew me:

If you really knew me..

1) you would know all of my movies are listed in alphabetical order.

2) you would know I cannot go to bed without washing all of my dirty dishes.

3)you would know it bothers me immensely if I have to leave my house and my bed is not made.

4) Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors.

5) I am doing a cross stitch that is going to take me 10 years that my awesome friends Courtney and Joey like to call my "twilight porno". Which it is not. There are no boobs, vaginas, or penis' in the picture. 

6) I have recently switched from drinking regular pepsi to drinking diet pepsi, or diet caffeine free pepsi. If I even drink pop at all. And the best part is that i like it. If this was a year ago I would be laughing at the thought of liking diet pop. 

7) in the last 3 weeks I have watched 7 seasons of How I meet Your Mother, one season of Bones, and 3 seasons of The big bang theory. 

8)I am being orientated to a new floor in september and I really hope it is maternity. I want to be in my comfort zone again. I want to watch midwives do their work.

9) I want to be a midwife.

10)And I like owls. Cute decorative owls.

The tour: The main floor

Part of moving to northern newfoundland involved me moving into my first real "home". I thought I would share with you all what I have done with my newly renovated 3 bedroom, 2 story apartment. So here you have it:

I have an obsession with movies, and the big bang theory. I love my awesome crayon art, that I actually made. I also enjoy having my degree hanging on my wall!

Dad's old chair!

My new couch and table. Please note the puzzle located on the table. obviously I have not changed. The best thing about this room is those three picture frames, filled with my amazing friends and families and memories made with the same. 

My beautiful kitchen. Oh so wonderful.

My AWESOME cookie jar. yes it is a pig. and yes it has eggs on the back of it! BHAHAHA