On My Heart.

If you knew my heart you would know..

1) That I miss my family like crazy.

2) That I find it really weird not to be in school right now.

3) That lately someone who was once one of my best friends has been on my heart like crazy over the last few weeks. And that I want desperately to rebuild her friendship.

4) You would also know that I am praying for my future husband, and every day I feel like I will never be good enough for him. You would also know that I am continually reminded by christ that I am worthy of someone who loves me and respects me.

5) You would also know that my heart pretty much explodes with joy every time my sister or mom sends me a picture of my beautiful niece and nephew. 

6) You would also know that I am incredibly grateful for random texts/calls/emails/tweets of encouragement from my friends.

7) You would also know that it hurts my heart to be away from my friends, and watch their growing families, marriages, and relationships. 

8) You would know that I almost got on a plane on Sept 14th to fly home to surprise two of my best friends on their wedding day (sept 15th), the only reason I didn't was because I had to work.

9) You would know that every time I see a birth I literally tear up and become overwhelmed with joy. 

10) You would also know that my heart aches for a friend of mine who is having a hard time transitioning back into everyday life. 

11) you would know that I am overcome by emotions probably 98% of the time lately. Both happy and sad ones. 

12) You would also know that my heart is fragile and is easily broken. 

13) you would know that I have more love in my heart than I know what to do with.

14) you would also know that God is putting a mission in my heart, and I am not sure how to go about making it a reality. 

15) You would know how important you are in my life, even if I don't keep in touch as much as I should. 

Carson Jr. (AKA My boy!)

After a crazy week of partial placenta abruption, hypertension, irregular contractions, lots of tears, and lots of love My beautiful nephew was born into this big crazy world. 

I have never in my life wanted to be home as much as I do right now.

I am so thankful for technology. 

When my sister was in labor and getting ready to push my mom was able to call me. I was able to be in northern Newfoundland and be in Nova Scotia at the same time. 

I was able to listen to my sister bring life into this world. 

I was able to hear the silence when he came out with his cord around his neck multiple times. I was able to here the anxiety in the room that was there while waiting for him to take his first breath. I was able to hear the cries of relief when he did. 

Within minutes I was send a few pictures of my beautiful 8.4 lbs boy. 

Mind you this all took place while I was at work. So not only did I hear this all but my co-workers were all waiting in anticipation all day long and witnessed me bawling while hearing this all take place. My co workers where there celebrating with me. It was amazing.

So here are a few pictures, taken from my family of course!

Big Sister getting ready to meet her "Brodder"

Kisses!

Nanny (AKA my mom)

First kisses!

Big boy!

Great Gramma Reid (AKA my nan) 

Hailie:

You did amazing! You are a rock star. Soon enough you will be home with your babies. Your strength blows me away. I love you so much! I hope your birthday was everything you wanted it to be this year. Happy Birthday!

<3

This is the kind of day it is today.

Old sweater wearing.

No showers.

Headband wearing.

Couch laying.

Glee watching.

waiting for the phone to ring.

Missing home.

Kind of day.

So long live the dreaded old bleach-stained-hole-invested-tear-stained sweater

Provision!

I am going to be really transparent in this post because God is so so good.

I have always, for as long as I can remember, wanted to go to university. When I was in grade 12 I was faced with the fact that I might not have been able to afford to go to university. My family was classed as a middle to low income family, which translates into my family not being able to afford to live and help pay for university for me. Which is totally fine, I respect my degree more because I have had to work to pay for it. In grade 12 I did not know if I would qualify for student loans so it was a fear that I wouldn't be able to go to University. 

So low and behold in grade twelve I worked my but off at school and got a number of scholarships and bursaries to help pay for school. I also qualified for student loans. So thus began my four years of university.

The entire four years I was consistently worrying about money, and where the next amount would come from. Over and over again God provided money exactly when I needed it, whether it was through bursaries, gifts, a job, and even more money than expected from student loans. over and over again I was humbled by the grace of God and his provision.

As I entered the second half of my senior year I began to worry about paying back the student loan now that I had a degree to work with. I was worrying about getting a job, and making enough money to live and pay back my student loans. I have been praying since grade 12 about this time. Praying for wisdom, provision, and grace. 

Since graduation in May I Have been blessed with an amazing job (in the middle of no where) with benefits and it is a full time permeant position. The fact that I have a nursing job is awesome but the fact that it is permanent full time is even better. Not only did God provide me a job but he made it a permanent one. AMAZING.

So I moved to this town and moved into my apartment with very little furniture. Now living in such a small town makes buying furniture and other necessary house items difficult because it is so expensive. So again I prayed for provision and wisdom in how to spend my money. And again God provided me with second hand furniture at a much cheaper price. again AMAZING.

Here I sit in my fully furnished, minus a desk and shelf I still want (praying), which cost me significantly less then if I had to buy everything new. 

My thoughts over the last few days have returned to the huge amount of debt that I know is hanging over my head. As in I owe $58,766.00 to the government and to a bank. That is a lot of money. So as you can imagine I have continued to pray over this number and that I will be able to pay it off in a decent about of time. As I said this number has been at the back of my mind every day now for well over a week. 

Ready for the exciting news?

Are you sure?

Well, Yesterday I went to the post office and collected my mail. typical right?. In my mail their was indeed a letter from the government about my loans and load repayment. So I open this mail and start reading. 

"Dear Tiffany Halliday, Congratulations.." 

ummm okay on what?

"You have been approved for the Nova scotia Debt Cap award".

WHAT??

Yes, you read that correctly. With this debt cap, and a bursary that I received, I now only owe in total $37,736.00. 

WHATTT. 

Yes that is a difference of $21,030.00

$21,030.00 

ummm. really.

Guess what? That is not all. The canadian government is starting an initiative to get more health care professions to go to and stay in rural communities throughout Canada in 2013. Long story short you have to work in a town with a population less than 50,000 people, check. You have to work there for a year, will be a check. And they will give you up to $4000 every year for 5 years to a maximum of $20,000 back on your student loans. 

HELLO. This is crazy. So there is a chance that I will qualify for the about initiative and have even more money taken off of my current student loan debt.

My final words: God is so much bigger than me!