Pregnancy

*This post was written 08-20-11, it is just an important post that is worth sharing again*

Well when two people.......just joking.

Actually I am writing this post for a reason (not that any other post hasn't been for a reason). I found myself having a conversation with a wonderful group of my christian family about a week ago. This conversation wasn't just any conversation, it was a huge conversation.

Here is the thing with Christians: we love everyone. We love each other. We truly care for each other like we are family. We watch out for one another in a million and ten ways. We make sure everyone is eating, sleeping, paying their bills, and getting through life just like a normal family. But we also challenge each other in our faith, we make ourselves step out of our comfort zones, we hold each other accountable. Whether that means asking how much money we have spent, or asking if we have watched porn, or if we have been having unhealthy thoughts, and if we have been reading our bibles (this list can go on forever).

As Christians we want to help people draw nearer to God. The bible tells us that The only thing that separates us from him is SIN. That is it. So don't sin. easy answer right? wrong. So we hold each other accountable, we ask uncomfortable questions, and we invest ourselves in our "families" lives. All of this to say that My friends are amazing.

So this conversation that I spoke about? well this was a "we-are-calling-you-out-on-stuff-because-we-love-you-and-care-about-you-and-god" conversation. this is different from a non-christian relationship because it is done with love. no judgement. no anger. no disappointment.

anyway at this conversation it was brought to my attention that people were concerned about how I may be coming off as accepting of the action and the sins that have gotten me into my situation. After looking back at this I think I need to clarify a few things:

I am a sinner. i was born a sinner, I sin every day. I will die a sinner.

Jesus was not a sinner. Jesus is the only man who was perfect. He came to earth. He lived. he taught. He healed in gods name. He preformed miracles. And then he died. not because of what he did, but instead because of what we had yet to do, what those people had done. Jesus freed us from our sin. He took the blame, he took one for the team. He saved us because the wager of sin is death. Jesus died for us. All of us.

because of jesus I am free. I am free from the sin of my past, and of the present. All I have to do is accept the forgiveness from God. He is standing there handing it to me (and you) all I have to do is reach out and claim it. Claim my freedom.

So how did I end up being almost 21 years old pregnant going into  my fourth year of university and single?Wasn't I suppose to be the one who got married at 25, kids my 28, perfect family? Right. like that was ever going to happen.

I am human. Humans are sinners. From the day the forbidden fruit was eaten humans have been a mess. We make mistakes, we do things wrong, we hurt people, and ourselves. We live by the world. We want worldly things that really will never matter. We get over come by desires of the flesh, we want things that are going to give us pleasure and happiness in the present time.

Sex is great. sex is really great, but only when it is in the situation that god has intended it to be. God intended sex to be a very intimate thing that is only suppose to be shared between a husband and a wife. our world has changed the view of sex into one of materialism. Everyone is suppose to be doing it. But God calls us not to take part in it until we are married.

Clearly this did not happen for me. I am human. I fell into a situation where my body spoke louder than my heart. I sinned. i hurt god. I did something that he intended me not to do. Am I happy about this? no. am i telling people to go and have sex get pregnant and have a nice messed up life by being excited about a baby? no. I am saying that God is God. Don't put him in a box.

I am sad that i sinned against God. I am sad that I am pregnant. I am relieved that God loves me enough to give me grace and lift me out of the whole I was in and carry me until I could walk again.

When I found out I was pregnant I was mad. the first thought that went threw my head? "Why has God dealt me this shitty hand of cards?" Why did i think this? because I am human.

I have spent the last several weeks praying about this and walking around with guilt and shame, and feeling disappointment. until God reminded me that i didn't have to walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My point: I am NOT encouraging people to have pre-marital sex.

Me being excited about this baby is not me being excited about how I got to this position. God did not put this in my life. I made descions that lead me to this situation. I chose to ignore god for awhile I put him in a box.

What I do know is: God has a way of working in every situation. God is huge. God's glory will shine through everything you do if you will let it. I want god to shine through me. Babies are a huge blessing. even if I have gotten to this point in a way that goes against god he will still use it. i do not see this as a curse.

Final words:

I am having a baby. i am not habing an abortion. I will not walk around with my head hung in shame. God has already taken care of everything. God has forgiven me, and has given me a seat in heaven. I am excited about this baby. I am not excitied about the SIN that has gotten me here.

So when you hear me talking about this little growing fetus with excitement, don't think that I planned it, or wanted it to happen right away. and don't think that I am blaming God, Im not. God is huge. God will use whatever situation you or I end up with because he is God he can bring glory out of anything