Pregnant and Jobless.

*This post was written 8-16-11, again an important part of the last year*

Now I do not have a job. I am pregnant and I don't have a job.

How is everything going to be okay? How is God going to be glorified in this situation? How in the world is God going to get me through this?

I know he has a plan, I know he loves me and this baby. I know he knows what he is doing. I KNOW. But that does not change all of the feelings I am having.

doubt

shame

guilt

anger

fear

sadness

weakness

stupidity

God i do not want these feelings. Take them. Take them as far as the east is from the west. free me of them. give me the strength, encouragement, patients, and trust that i need to believe in you and put my faith in you. God I have always needed you. But right now. In this moment. I need you bad. I need you more than I have ever needed you. It is no longer just about me. You have created in me a special person, someone who you know, someone who you have placed in me for a purpose. My life does not matter. What matters is that this baby is safe, that this baby ends up being loved and provided for. and that your glory will shine through it. God protect my heart. protect my brain and mind. God protect me. all of me. Give me guidance. Show me the way, your way. I need you now.