Forever Changed

This week I have been listening to a lot of Carrie Underwood. I'm not sure why but I am just in the mood for her. You know sometimes you are in a T Swift mood and you crank up the tunes and "sing" at the top of your lungs. Well it's like that but with Carrie Underwood. It is probably a good thing that I currently do not have any neighbours otherwise they would be tortured blessed to be listening to my awful awesome singing. Seriously I should have a record deal *shakes head no*. I have been listening to her album "Blown Away". So good.

But one song has been played a few more times than the others. It is called "forever changed". 

This song has been speaking to me and making me think about a lot of things. The song itself tells a story of a women who gets married, has a baby, and then watches her mother suffer through Alzheimer's disease. It talks about how events change us. Things we go through mold us into the person we are. of course this has me thinking about things that have changed me. 

I do not think this is a coincidence that this week marks one year since I lost my baby boo. My mind has been floating to that day when everything changed more often than not lately. It hurts my heart to think about what might have been, and how different my life would be right now if things had not have gone they way they did. I do not know where I would be, or what I would be doing. 

But I do know that I am forever changed. 

Forever changed by the life that had been growing inside of me. 

Forever changed by the love that I felt for my baby.

Forever changed by the way some people treated me.

Forever changed by the new appreciation I have for my mom.

Forever changed by the reality of losing a child.

Forever changed by grief.

Forever changed by grace and mercy that was poured over me by God.

Forever changed by my fears for my future.

Forever changes by God's plan.

Forever changed by a new outlook on life.

Forever changed by the way I now see motherhood.

Forever changed by the saddest moments of my life.

Forever changed by the hurt.

Forever changed by the loss of both a baby and a few friendships.

Forever changed by the new chance I was given.

Forever changed by the new chapter in MY story.

Forever changed by the hope of my future. 

Forever changed by God's glory.

To anyone who has lost a child I pray that we can have peace and feel HIS love and have reassurance through HIM. 

So baby for now I will cherish the few pictures I have of you, I will hold them close to my heart until one day we meet again. I love you so much, more than words can express. Today I will have a few moments of sadness but I will cling to the fact that you are not suffering and you feel no pain. You are soaring with jesus, and one day I will hold you!!